Numb
by Mad-Dog3
Summary: -Revamped and new chapter uploaded- A botched mugging destroys one detective and leaves one struggling to survive on their own. R&R.
1. The Crime

Disclaimer: They all belong to Dick Wolf. A/N: Trying a different format - shorter and less dialogue. Your feedback is helpful and as always deeply appreciated. Enjoy. Review even if you hate it.  
  
Destination - yet to be revealed  
  
Three full swings from a steel pipe and two well placed kicks to the ribs made the large man fall unconscious to the ground. In the process of searching his pockets they come away with a pair of latex gloves, switchblade, and 40 dollars. Both men were thoroughly disappointed in their findings, deciding to dig deeper, they check the victim's breast pocket.  
  
After coming across his badge he curses out loud; "Shit! This cheap bastard is a pig."  
  
"What?!?" responds the other man nervously.  
  
"You dumb ass - you spotted a F-ing cop!"  
  
"What are we going to do?" he asks timidly.  
  
Dangling the new found treasure in front of his accomplice, he replies with a smile; "What else? Finish him." 


	2. The News

MCS main floor 

Eames sat at her desk, watching the second hand move. 'Goren better his ass here – soon. Or Deakins going to blow his top.' she mutters to herself. She had managed to successfully cover for him earlier – hoping he would show up soon after. Now it was almost 10 pm and still no Goren. 

Dialing his cell again, a young woman picks up. Her voice is so soft, Eames has to press her ear hard against the phone to hear her. Unsure what to say; Alex decides to play it off as a plutonic friend; "Bobby?" 

"No…" the soft voice on the other end starts to sound strained.

Eames hears noise in the background. A male voice yelling something, for her to hang up immediately. "You dumb bitch! I told you not to answer…." 

Eames knew Bobby's voice and that wasn't his. Confused and concerned Eames decides against breaking the connection. But the woman on the other has a different idea. Once again a male voice is heard, this time crystal clear and ragging. Eames guesses he's gotten up and moved toward the woman. "Bitch. Give it to me…"

There's a smash and then nothing. Eames hastily hangs up the phone. Now knowing something was definitely wrong. 

Eames didn't bother knocking before entering the Captains office. Instantly she regretted her lack of formal notice. The Captain sat at his desk looking frustrated and stressed, more so then he had earlier. Specifically when she came to inform him Goren was going to be late. 

_Captain's Office_

Captain Deakins was too tired and stressed to sound amicable to whoever was in his office. With a hint of irritation he asks; "What?"

"Captain, it's about Goren."

"What about him? Has he gotten here yet? Because if he hasn't, I'm going to give him a good ass chewing when he does decide to join the rest of us."

"Captain – I think Goren is in trouble."

Semi-surprised by Eames's retort, Deakins settles himself into his chair before responding. "Trouble. What's new? With all due to respect Eames – he's always pushing the envelope, pissing someone off."

"I called his cell, a stranger picked it up and then someone else hung up on me – it wasn't Goren." States Eames.

"Eames…" Before he could finish his phone rings.

"Deakins." 

A few minutes into the conversation Eames could see the obvious change in Deakins' mood. Deakins rubbed the back of neck and looked down at his ink blot. He gripped the phone tightly as he took in the news. 

Barely able to string together two words, Deakins manages to mutter a faint 'Thank you' into the receiver.

"Captain." Says Eames. Daring him to look her in the eyes. "This might not be any of my business, but are you alright?'

Deakins' eyes never left the his desk. The phone still in his hand, he tries to thing of what to say. His breathing start to grow ragged and his head starts spinning. Numb from the news the phone slips out of his hand and falls to the floor. 

"Captain." Asks Eames again. The concern in her voice increasing with every passing second.

Deakins swallowed hard and wiped the water from his eyes before speaking. He still didn't know what to say. But he knew it would better if she heard the news from him instead of from an underpaid prick from the mayor's office or a messenger from the Chief of Detectives' office. "Detective Goren….

Eames grew weak in the knees after hearing the word 'Detective' in front of Bobby's name. Eames forced herself to focus on what the Captain was saying; "….they found his body on 11th and 55th in an abandoned alley…"


	3. The Reality

Captain's Office 

"No, no…oh god…no…" cries Eames.

Deakins moves to catch her from falling. Gently holding her, he maneuvers her over to one of the chairs.

"Alex, I'm so sorry." Whispers Deakins.

Eames tries to pull away, but Deakins only tightens his hold on her. Deakins feels her small fist pounding against his chest; asking, begging; "Why, why, why?"

The office thermostat read 80 (f) degrees but that didn't keep a shiver from going up his spine after hearing Eames' plea for answers. He for one hated that question, for two reason. One, he didn't have an answer that could possibly make the pain go away. Second of all, because he's asked himself that question too many times during his career and never found 'the answer'. He had grown to despise, the question – feared it. So he did what anybody would do – avoided it at all costs.

But this time was different. Running away or sweeping it under the rug wasn't an option. Because one his own detectives is dead. And his partner, who is one of the strongest willed person he knows; is here crying into his shirt like a child who has just lost their beloved pet. 

_Crime scene 11th and 55th _

Everything appeared normal to Eames when she arrived on the scene. Cops and medics swarmed the crime scene. That all changed when she saw the white sheet covering the victim – her partner. Crouching down Eames slowly pulls back the sheet, and stops, hoping, to see a victim she didn't know. An anonymous stranger who's life was cut short by a weird twist of fate or unhappy circumstances. She wondered how Goren did it, to look at the victim and not feel anything for them. At least outwardly, he never let it show.

Eames hesitates before pulling the sheet back. In her heart of hearts she knew it wasn't necessary to look, or to put herself through this exercise of futility. The officers who arrived on the scene had already ID'd the victim as NYPD Detective Robert Goren. On the other hand she knew if she didn't look for herself. She'd never be able to admit or accept that he's GONE. 

Pulling back the sheet, everything stopped. Everything but the reality that it was her partner laying here, that he is gone. It was too surreal for Eames. Her lips quivered at the sight of the two bullet slugs logged in her partner's skull. Briefly turning away to catch her breathe Trying to hold back the tears she thought she had no more to give, frozen she stares at nothing in particular.

After regaining her composure Eames closes her eyes and slowly traces Goren's face, taking in every detail through touch – memorizing it. When her fingers hit his perpetual stubble a small smile found it's way on her face. The feeling of a strong hand resting on her should, breaks her trance. Without thinking she blurts; "Bobby?"

Deakins is slightly taken back by her answer. Then remembered he had the same reaction after losing his partner on the job. This time he wished he wasn't the one here, and it was the intuitive odd ball Detective Goren investing the homicide. 

"Alex. Let me take you home." Pleads Deakins.

Blinking away the tears to come, Eames places her hand on Deakins' while saying a few words for Bobby. 

Every bone in her body told her to curl up and die right then and there. But her heart told her to be strong, and continue to live. Not just for her, or for Bobby but for everyone (public) else who needed them - her, to help bring them (families) closure and justice. That's what he'd want that.

The Captain stood patiently by Alex, watching, hoping she would be able to get past this tragic event and move on. Not fall into the depths of darkness and depression. He knew she was strong and he knew her strength would be tested over the next few weeks. But what he didn't know is, would her strength alone be enough to her through this…"We'll get the bastard who did this."

TBC? I don't know. 


	4. The Memories

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: I'm such a horrible person, I have so many unfinished fics here! I guess I should finish them before starting on a new piece. My apologies to those who've read my fics and are wondering when the heck I'll get back to them. Since 'poetry' isn't a big hit here, I'll focus more on finishing up my pieces. Please review – it really helps. Thanks to those who have R&R. 

Upstate NY Cemetery 

On the day of the funeral it rained angrily. With little success, the priest fought to speak over the howling wind. Deakins stood soaked with a solemn look on his face. He looked around and noticed the weather didn't deter the few people invited from attending. He watched as the news finally sunk into Mrs. Goren. Who shook from crying as the nurse tried to comfort her. His eyes then fell upon Alex, who stood unwavering as the wind and rain swept across her face. He noted she looked more pale than she had three days ago. He was going to need to intervene – eventually. 

Deakins was starting to think Goren got the easy part. He cursed at himself for thinking that. 

Towards the end the Priest asked if anyone wanted to say a few a words. Eames was the first to step forward. Eames touched the wet casket and stared at it. She wanted to believe so badly this was just a dream. 

Biting her lower lip she begins; "Bobby ….this isn't fair, you know that? You didn't even touch your half of the paperwork…we're partners, that means 50-50." 

Deakins watched as Eames poured her soul out. He looked away to give her a moment a lone and noticed the nurse leaving to clam Mrs. Goren down. He doubted she would be returning.

Sniffling Eames continues; "Damn you Bobby. Damn you for caring so damn much. I want you back, Bobby. I NEED you back., Bobby…please…." Crying uncontrollably now, Deakins puts his arm around her and pulls her back into his chest. 

In a low voice he hears Eames mummer; "Why does it hurt so much?" 

ADA Ronald Carver came forward next to speak, but found himself at loss for words. Wiping the rain from his eyes which could be mistaken for tears he begins;  "Detective…I realize I might be your least favorite person standing here today. We've had our battles over your unorthodox tactics, lack of evidence dilemmas, and your uncanny persuasion methods of obtaining confessions or buying time. Even though I didn't always approve, I found your intentions always to be pure. I never understood that until you risked losing your badge over it. You'll be missed my friend."

MCS main floor 

Eames returned to work the next day. Out of habit she walked straight to the coffee machine and starting fixing two cups of coffee. It wasn't until she reached her desk, and nearly dropping the coffee she remembered.  

Trying to suppress the erge to cry, Eames settles in at her desks and commences with the pile of paperwork. From his office Deakins watched as Eames methodically work at the pile of paperwork .Her eyes never leaving the desk. Not once within the first hour did she look up at the untouched desk across from her. 

_12:45_

"Finally. I'm done." Announces a sounding accomplished Eames. Without looking up she asks; "Did you want to go grab…" 

"Oh my god…." Bringing her hand up to cover her mouth she stares at her partners untouched desk. Staring at the pens and pencils in the coffee cup, the neatly stacked piles of case files, and an open book he used as a reference to help crack their, his…last case. The tears streamed down her face smearing her mascara. 

"Detective." 

Eames didn't say a word. 

"Why don't you call it a day." 

"Sir, I'm fine."

Deakins didn't let the fact the escape him that Eames looked worn and tired when she arrived. Nor the fact that she was an emotional wreck right now. The evidence was against her, everyone in the squad room knew it. 

"Detective. You're not fine. You just lost your partner…"

The Captain's last statement infuriated Eames. "I'm not stupid! I know that he's gone! I know that this aching feeling in my heart will never go away… I know… I know…" 

Collapsing back in her chair trying to recover. But she's too weak, she used every ounce of strength she had left just getting out of bed this morning. "I can't stop working. I have to do it for Bobby…"


End file.
